Tuesday, 21 November 2017

I'm still having a little trouble....

Getting back to grips with normal as opposed to gluten free pastry. To be honest, I think I prefer GF so may revert back. Anyway, I thought I had rolled some out thinly enough to make some mincemeat maids of honour:
I do use a little S.R. flour in my pastry to lighten its texture so maybe I overdid it as they 'rose' a little too much. Also, the almond mixture recipe is clearly designed for 12 small pies whereas these are deep versions so only a little topping for 10 then I ran out. I have written that on the recipe for next time.

Mind you, they taste fine so that is good - phew.

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Monday, 20 November 2017

The weekly loaf...

First of all, thanks to everyone for getting in touch about my last post. I was well and truly down. Feeling a little better now and one or two things have been said and acknowledged which have helped.

Having been given a silicon loaf pan for a present, I wasn't at all sure it would work with bread - well, I was wrong. Here it is fresh from the oven:
It came out easily and when knocked, had a lovely sound and was brown and crisp around its base. Once sliced, it looked like this:
The black specks are nigella seeds.


Friday, 17 November 2017

It's official...

I must be a ghost! I feel as though I am fading into insignificance, with no role to play in life. A bit like a train wandering aimlessly on never-ending tracks, calling in at a friends station, or a role playing station, but no-one gets on.

Maybe its a return of the empty nest syndrome, but that happened long ago - didn't it?

I had an interesting chat with my hairdresser the other day, when she came to cut my hair.

She was saying why, when she is a good person, and would go to the end of the earth to help people out, is she without really good friends and few good acquaintances? I thoroughly understood where she was coming from and told her so.

When we first moved here, I had one or two really good acquaintances who went on to become very good friends. The kind you could talk to about anything and we would all try and help, even it it was just listening. We didn't get in each others way or become a nuisance to each other by over-visiting, but would meet for a coffee, cake, and chat to sort ourselves out.

Jobs and university courses got started, one moved away, grandchildren began to arrive for another, a new partner for the other and before you knew it, we had drifted apart. It was me that kept in touch, occasionally asking to meet for a coffee until in the end, I gave up asking, in the mistaken belief that I would be missed and they may get in touch for a meet up.

Several years passed and intermittently, I would again get in touch, we would meet up once or twice, and then it would all revert to me 'doing the chasing' once again, so I gave up - again.

Like my hairdresser, I consider myself a good egg, willing to compromise and help where possible, but just where does being a compromising good egg get you - trampled on I reckon, by those who should know better, who probably believe, that because you don't protest, it must be okay to keep messing you around, falling in and out of touch or not being in touch enough!

WELL IT AIN'T.

Whilst being willing to compromise to the nth degree, when and where possible, that doesn't mean I don't mind or feel deeply hurt by having to do it constantly.

Frankly, I am getting to the 'self preservation' stage, where it would be all too easy to either sever ties completely (feels like cutting off my nose to spite my face) or telling people what I REALLY think of their constant thoughtlessness (and risk making the situation worse).

One thing is for sure though, something has to change, because I can't keep allowing these situations to go on, feeling so incredibly sad about them and feeling useless into the bargain, without a role to play.

I might still have another 20 - 30 years to live, but frankly, at the moment, I feel I would be existing rather than living them!

Hairdresser feels the same - it is at times a sad and lonely world don't you think? Therefore, I have reached the conclusion that I must be a ghost - simply invisible.